can t stop thinking|sneaker sengine

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THISoh my god, why is the gun out.he promised to help me study when it was time and he is not here.1. Everyday is still a struggle. I sure do hope he is with me when I take this and helps guide me through because I don't think that there is a chance in hell of me passing it alone. It was not a technical upgrade.Anyway, sorry for ranting.I'm going to be a nurse, it is my job! I let him down in so many ways. I remember thinking to myself at that moment.so i thought ok go get another unithen a message pops up from one of the clan members all of which were on axis says "anyone goes out back they get booted"hrmm. I should go and try and study more. I can't understand how anyone thinks that I can actually study right now when I have not a quiet place in my mind. I then closed the draw and thought to myself, if it's still there in an hour I'll question him but again I thought that I was thinking crazy.0. I still don't feel ready for it.One of my so called friends told me a few weeks ago to stop feeling sorry for my self and move on. I do in a way feel sorry for myself because I thought I finally had everything I ever wanted. The truth is, I'm not ok and don't think I ever will be. anyways i was playing as allies covert on battery got my self a uni ran to back door to blow the generator and got killed just inside the door ok. I remember just days before, I opened a desk draw and saw his gun just sitting out, he always kept it locked up. Since then, all wsiwyg editor functions have been disabled: smilies, drop downs, etc. I can't stop thinking about that statement and how wrong it is. I ingored all the signs of his depression, never questioned him once because I thought that I was thinking crazy.8. The truth is that inside I'm falling to pieces and barely able to hang on. I wouldn't have even registered for the test if it wasn't for people around me constantly nagging me. I'm susposed to be studying for my state boards test to be a licenced registered nurse. Immediately after uninstalling the product, my forum went back to normal. I'm completely puzzled. My life was finally going good and then suddenly, it was all ripped away within seconds. I feel sorry for a lot of people including myself but the person I feel the most sorry for is Rob! I feel so sorry that he hurt so bad inside and just kept it a secret! I feel so sorry that his pain was so bad that he felt that the only way to end it would be to end his life! That is who I feel the most sorry for and I'd give anything including my own life to just go back and fix everything. He clearly stated to me that he needed my help, I saw all the signs but didn't trust myself. I completely unistalled the earlier version and installed the newer one. The test is in 2days. who is the noobi told them hey guys ill write a post about your server and they said who cares our server is good everyone will come anywayssoo needless to say i got booted for telling them that what they were doing was unfairwhy cant ppl learn how to run a decent server and not interfere with the game just let it play out win or lose sure we all get mad when somone does somthing stupid but to threatin ppl with booting if they dont play how u like thats pretty lamei understand booting for profanity or tking dont get me wrongI'm sitting here right now in my mother's living room alone with tears that are just pouring down my face. I'm not even sure if any of this makes sense.hrmm. :disgust: lets see u start a server ff off boot anyone that doent play the way u want them to . Hovering over these buttons no longer produces an effect. Everytime I even think of a hospital, I think of that night and the time in the hospital before Rob actually died that I laid in bed with him wishing everything would be ok. My Vbulletin version is 3. I wish he would have just given me a chance to help him. I feel like I have to put an act on for people so they think I'm ok and don't worry or so I don't bring them down too and ruin their day. well now that makes it a little unfair all of a sudden all the axis running down to beach with no worries that a covert will steal their uni because none of them went out back there for none of them should be going in the backeasy picking for somone like a soh to just camp in back door killing anyone coming in oh yes and ff was off too making it even harder because they could just shoot anyone without worries of tkingso i told them that gave them quite the unfair advantage and if axis wernt ment to go out back once in awhile the door wouldnt be thereand to boot somone for going out back while all the allies are getting raped out front by the artys really is not the best way to run a serverthen they start blabing on how im a noober. I did a forum search and came up with the gtsmiliehack solution, but I do not have that hack installed. I sit here and just stare at the material, nothing makes any sense. It's almost 6months and the second I'm alone without anyone to distract me, my mind just starts to replay events.2. I didn't want him to think I was some crazy bitch that would nag him for the rest of his life. Why didn't I just try and talk to him! My instincts are usually right on but I never trust them.I read someones post on here a few days ago and the person had wrote that herhis therapist told them that it isn't our job to keep other people alive, it's our job to keep ourselves alive (i may have not stated the exact wording correctly but that is what stands out in my mind). I can't stop thinking of that because what if it is our job to keep others alive. I don't even want to be a nurse anymore. I went back an hour later and it was put away.I can remember him telling me how he needed me to take care of him, I didn't think he ment it literally but he did.I upgraded vBadvanced from an earlier version to version 3. I can't stop thinking of him.sorry if it doesn't.I can remember the thought crossing my mind that he was going to kill himself, I don't know why or how, but I knew. I miss him so much.i was just playing on a server run by soh clanpretty nice setup xp just keeps going, making everyone a brig general kinda fun. I can remember how happy he was for me that I was going to be a nurse