husband won golden globe|Nike Air Jordan

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THISHave a look what i put yesterday on my bedroom walls. (Click on the picture to enlarge it).Hello. I lost my older brother to suicide not quite two months ago and like many people here, am struggling with acceptance. He lived alone and was not found in his apartment an estimated 2 or 3 days after passing. We had a closed casket funeral and I am struggling with believing that it was him. I think I am one of those people that needed to see him at the funeral to truly accept that he is gone. I just keep thinking that the brother I know wouldn't do this and that he is going to call me one day and tell me where he is. It seems like I go through different phases where I'll obsess over the same thing for a while in regards to his death. Right now I'm overwhelmed with a feeling of abandonment. My parents only had the two of us and now I feel so sad in that when my parents pass away, he won't be here and I will be alone. It was not supposed to be this way. I won't be his little sister anymore. He will always be 25 and I will become older than him. My mom and dad are having terrible time with this (naturally) and I don't feel like I can share with them many of the feelings that I have because I don't want to upset them more. There are good days and bad days, and I would not want to turn one of their good days into a bad one. I live a few hours away from them and have been trying to go home often to see them. I don't know what else to do, but to wait for time to heal us.So my husband, Hugh, won a golden globe last night for best actor. ;) OF COURSE he did. We're all very proud of him!Best Actor, Drama Series Patrick Dempsey, Grey's Anatomy Matthew Fox, Lost *Hugh Laurie, House Wentworth Miller, Prison Break Kiefer Sutherland, 24Is That an Acceptance Speech in Your Pocket? House star Hugh Laurie claimed to have 172 names to thank and would pull out three at random to highlight. Despite the encouragement of one rowdy table, we hear Laurie could not be enticed to let others dip into his "pocket of gratitude."