THIS mom

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  • THIS happened?"My mom's generation is when JFK was shot& (I think) the first maned space flightFor me I think the biggies are - the first maned space flight (I was real little){at home watching it on TV} - the Challenger Explosion {at college, in the TV room of the dorm} - 911 {practium class a school & praying that a friend who is a pilot & in NY wasn't on one of those planes-I had to explain to the students why I was so upset}My mom has (had?) been depressed for most of her life - all of mine. And staying up with school just isn't happening, because I can't focus on class and I don't want to get out of bed. But, well - we feared it for so long it had gotten to the point where I stopped believing it would really happen. Crying all the time. I logically KNOW she's dead, but its easier to get through the day by thinking she's a phone call away. It killed her brain but not her body. When he didnt stop, I lugged my butt off the chair and went out to see what was up. I'm so sorry: yeah, I am too, thanks. I started seeing a therapist after mom died, because it seemed, well - it makes a lot of sense, and I don't want to be like her, like that - I'm going to get help when I need it. We took her off of life-support and she died on August 10, 2009. well, obviously its been really hard. Good dog!I wonder what's going to be our generations "Where were you when. And I shrugged it off, thinking: she never will. I didn't want to freak out again.Anyone else lose their mother? Particularly college-aged? because none of my friends no how to relate or help, so I've drawn away from everyone, or they've drawn away from me. I really don't know if anything I do makes her "proud. Think how many times we've freaked out about it and she was fine. Make her proud: my mom was a lot of wonderful things - a wonderful mother, even as depressed and hurting as she was - but PRIDE isn't a word I'd associate with her." Pleased, yes: proud, no. Those stupid platitudes kill me - she's looking down on you: well, a lot of Christians believe suicide is unforgivable. I hate that she's gone, and a lot of the time its hard to even admit it or realize it. :lol: Must've thought twice about coming to the door. She'll be fine. A week before she overdosed, my sister kept pressing me to call her, saying: Mom's really upset, you should call her, I'm worried she'll kill herself.I'm so sad she was in that kind of pain, for so long, and couldn't or wouldn't be helped. Furthermore, my mom wasn't a Christian and neither am I. I don't even know what to say. Me and Mom were close - but we all knew the possibility of her one day killing herself was high.My therapist said that when I was ready I should reach out to others who have been through this, so I thought I'd give it a try.just in time to see a girl with a political t-shirt and pamphlets walking away from our yard.I don't know how I feel, besides lost and miserable and frustrated and sad. I've fallen, myself, into a depression like I've never felt before: I haven't been wanting to get out of bed, or go to school (I'm 21 and about to graduate university - or, well, if I don't screw up this semester) or talk to anyone. Missing Mom, just feeling miserable all the time. Usually he does that when he hears other dogs, and calms down after a minute. Lonely. On July 13th she overdosed on insulin and went into a coma. I'm overwhelmed with the future - being without Mom forever? Or, what do I tell people? Its always in the back of my mind: my mom KILLED herself. I'm angry that she did this to us.*shrugs*.A few minutes ago I was reading through posts and I heard Hoss running out on the porch, barking like mad. And then that was the time she DID do something. Since she died.Geh - I miss my mom
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