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  • THISmccain_run_out I don't think I've ever read an article about an article before!. I am in the early stages of this mess. My Boyfriend of 4 years Ex of 1 year took his life. Then, just yesterday, I realized that I was stiffling my other feelings. I know he loved his family and could not become the person he wanted to be for them. All I have is hope even if I sometimes I can barely see it.First I would just like to say Thank you for this forum. I was wrong. I could go on and on, my thoughts are complicated and I figured this would be a good place to start the healing process. Not memories of a crazy mother trying to help a crazy father and in the end going round and round with no cure for the pain. My sympathy for him is there, of course, I was compassionate and sympathetic from the moment I found out. The memories, good and bad, the warning signs, all of them come at me like a freight train with no end in sight. First he made me feel incredibly guilty, by his notes, actions before he did this. I cannot stop reliving the past, if I had the time to tell the whole story right now I would. I have the arduous task of explaining to his son one day what happened to his father. Now I have to figure out how to get this dark shadow to fade to a softer shade of grey. I thank anyone who has taken the time to read this and my heart goes out to all of you that are suffering as well. My priority was Hunter, my son now of 21 months, he deserves beautiful memories. A dramatic and theatrical ending point. Now, I am angry. He continued his drug use, was not coming home at night. He took his life away from his son, his family, me. keep forgetting you're back in the US =[There's gonna be some serious nostalgia around there whenever I go back. As if it was my love that finally did him in. So instead I realize that in the end this was his choice. Angry at him, at myself, at anyone who could have tried harder. *sigh*theonioncontentnews. I still reached out, not giving up the hope that one day he would want better. Great. He no longer wanted to talk to me, he never asked to see his son. His choice was stupid. was heading to a mate's after a gig on friday and went past your old flat. I realize that this is part of the process, so, I let myself be angry, at least for a little while. So I left, and after that, Maxim shut us out. I'm not sure if what I am saying is right or wrong. I know he was suffering, he had mental issues, he had drug problems. The "what ifs" and "why did I do that" and "was there anything I could have really done differently" are the hardest to deal with.Originally Posted by Rossthanks man. But, he never asked for help. Like I said I'm angry. What's done is done. Now, he has left the rest of us to bear a confusing mess that will never be fully dusted or washed away. It could have been more Romeo and Juliette had I not given birth to our beautiful son and left him. He simply quit
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